mope-a-dope

What do you call someone who mopes all around the city?

Peripathetic.

que tara tara

What would you call Katharina Blum if she had grown up in Alabama?

The belle of the Böll.

sorry for being so lat-e as to not post yesterday

How do you overwork American conductors?

Send them on a baton death march.

yitzchak rabid disapproval

Which Israeli contains the most text?

Tanachem Begin.

Aesir what you did there

Flying Norse farmers must live off a wing and a Freyr.

romani fever

Which dog is the best at playing gypsy guitar?

Django Lassie.

Caves and Graves

What do you call rock formations poking out of the floor of POW camps?

Stalagmites.

And a bonus

How does John McEnroe, newspaper editor, reject comic strips?

YOU CANNOT BE SERIAL

Český vtip

Here's a little something I came up with in Czech today.

„Karaoke je zpívat s pivem.“
Literally: Karaoke is singing with beer.The last two words pronounced, of course, "spivat spivem". Hilarious, I know.

orthography jokes

What's a Greek writer's favorite cured meat?

Gammon.

The Road to Wigennui

What did George Orwell call his chronicle about that time he was too tired to get out of bed?

Homage to Catatonia.

And did that feat in modern times

A well-stocked expedition goes into the desert to find a mythical river. Six months later, they return, tired, hungry, ragged, and out of materials.

The investigation ruled it dearth by misadventure.

Schmuckers: It Has to be Good

Where do Jewish housewives store their condoms?

In shtupperware containers.

Ukraine Wife

Here's a guest pun from Matt Grossman.

Why did the fisherman move to Odessa?

He wanted his business to be in the Black.

Brno stoppin me now

What happens when you go restaurant hopping around Moravia for a year?

You pick up the Czech.

Roll for Constitution Hall

What do you call it when nerds dress up like a society woman from a fantasy novel?

DARping

GOLD, JERRY, GOLD

What candy wafers are the most ornate?

Art Necco

Oh no, I am nearly half an hour late

I made something of this ilk a bunch of times already today. Whatever.

What do you call it when Reggie Bush scores a touchdown?

A saint goes marching in.

On the fringes of society

What do observant Jews wear when singing Spem in alium?

A Thomas Tallis.

Another Puntry

Where can you get the best encased meats on Borneo?

Brunei Darussalami.

Brown in-joke?

How is diffusion like a Brown student switching from physics to classics to English to ethnic studies to modern culture and media?

Both involve sliding down the concentration gradient.

What did Cleisthenes use to expand x from 400 to 500?

Boulean algebra.

Boa and Arrows

What kind of snake overthrows governments?

A usurpent.

The Murder and Life of Punsters

What do you call features of neighborhoods such as safety and traffic on sidewalks, mixed primary usage, and ability to band together on important issues against corporations?

Jacobian determinants.