why am i not asleep yet

What do you call someone who knows a lot about herbs?

A sage.

in poor taste, of course

I'm back from HSNCT, that was fun. Here's one I came up with on the airplane.

What was Anne Frank's favorite literary dialect?

Attic Greek.

i dreid to be grosch in my operation

What did critics of avant-garde Weimar Berlin music think of the Threepenny Opera?

They re-Weilled it.

gotta hook you in like

Why did the obnoxious singer repeat the same chorus over and over again?

He couldn't refrain from doing so.

jews only for this one

What do Biblical commentators call it when one is struck with so great an awe for God that he turns around and runs?

A reversing wow.

also applicable to tombstone carvers

What happened when the typesetter lost his box of diacritics?

It was a grave situation.

OBSERVATION

"Hova?" in Hungarian means "Where to?". So if Jay-Z ever went to Hungary, he could get in a taxi and even the cab drivers would be calling him by his name.

VAGUELY RELATED PUN

How does a canine cartoon character map out his plans despite not having opposable thumbs with which to hold a pen?

Using Blue prints.

fun fact: the spektor of regina has been dominating my musical tastes as of late

What do you call someone who peels and sells rotten corn at exorbitant prices?

A [s]huckster.

[whoops.]

who cares about oatmeal

What cereal changes least when blended?

Runny Bunches of Oats.

he'll have to adopt a new position

What do you call a ward of the state given to a baseball team?

A roster child.

woo back in nyc

Where do poets hang out in New York City?

Rhymes Square.

fyi i have a linear algebra final tomorrow

What do you call a farmer who controls his entire range?

Master of his codomain.

toffuti snooty

What do you call an erroneously made frozen dessert?

A pop[sic]le.

if only because publishers are so spineless

Lackluster books are bound to fail.

packing up things is a pain

What's the hottest time of day in Beirut?

Lebanoon.

partial cred to my roomie david emanuel for making this joke by accident

What cake do baseball players eat after advancing a runner?

A sacrifice bundt.

no more stallin

Which poet wrote juicy epigrams about all his friends?

Gossip Mandelstam.

yesss bilingual puns

What did Louis XV say after a particularly sloppy kiss?

"Après mwah, le déluge."

In honor of the election

What do you call a Eurosceptic fish?

A UKIPper.

[ınsert tıttle here]

Which dictator has the most replay value?

Slo-modan Milošević.

or should the b just move entirely?

What do people from Charleston call cirrhosis?

Bourbon blight.

yay it defaults to pst so it's still yesterday

What was Justinian's favorite cocktail?

A Byzantini.

in honor of b. eve corman

How do you represent a program that simulates apocalyptic nanotechnology?

With a gray GUI.